Sunday, February 28, 2010
But seriously I cannot help it!I could talk about and show you pics of the yummy meals I have been making my family, but lately with being pregnant (AGAIN!) I am not in the mood to cook, let alone drag out the camera and take pictures. I could talk about how eventful my day was with my husband and kids, but since he has been on night shift for the past 3 months and I have been in my oh so favorite pregnant 1st trimester, most days have I just been getting by. Getting by with my parenting, getting by with my taking care of my family, getting by with whatever time Hubs and I get to actually be awake at the same time.
Its nothing I am proud of, or take lightly, that I haven't been living each day to the fullest, but you know what, its real and honest. Life the past three months has been hard for me. I know other moms and wives who have it worse, so really, I try not to moan and complain too much about it. But its been sucky around here. The kids have rarely seen their Dad, their Dad has rarely seen his kids and when he does its alot of discipline issues that he (thankfully) takes off my parenting load so I am not the sole disciplinarian during the weirdness that is life on night shift. Hubs hasnt seen Bug in the morning since the end of November. Its sad.
I am so very very glad that tomorrow March 1st starts a new phase in our life for awhile. Hubs is back to a semi day/swing shift. 10a-10p which means that I get to sleep in a bit in the mornings when I need and want to. Hubs will get up with Bug and Bubba & Moo, feed them and get the big kids off to school. I get to awake at a normal hour, like 8am, and not be awoken by Moo climbing into our room and breathing her dragon breath into my face and whispering loudly "Mom! Bug is awake!" at 645am. (Which is 30 minutes before my alarm goes off, grrr).
I look so forward to Hubs' days off during the week when we can actually spend time together, like we used to. Going out for little mini dates during the day while the kids are in school, taking along our little Bug. On weekends off he will be awake in the morning, not at 3pm. Which means we can have family breakfasts again, and go and get out of the house and do stuff with the kids AS A FAMILY. What a concept eh?
Normalcy is only a few short hours away. I cannot wait. When Hubs' sleep schedule and work schedule is somewhat normal, it relaxes me and makes me feel more at ease. Not on edge that I have to keep all the balls in the air that I am juggling while he works all night and sleeps during the day. I did the single mom thing for almost 5 years. It was crazy difficult. And even though Hubs being on nights isnt even close to being an actual single parent, many times I allowed myself to feel that weight again of having to carry it all. Which alot of times over the past few months it was kind of just on me, because Hubs has a job to do and also needs to take care of himself by sleeping when he can, so he can do that job.
But I also know that there were many nights when I was sick and overwhelmed and he dropped what he was doing at work and came home and took care of me. Whether it was running out to get me a burger when I was so nauseated but needed to eat, but couldnt cook anything for myself. Or picking up pizza and brownies on the night of Bubba's 7th Birthday after I had already had a horrible day of being sick and then so overwhelmed about what to do for his birthday to make it special. And everyday he let me know how much he hated that this was our life right now, because it was keeping him from doing his favorite and most important job, taking care of his wife and family by being there for us when we needed him.
I think that alone reminded me that I was NOT alone, even when I was physically. He was with me, praying for me and encouraging me that this was just a season in our life, and I would get through it. I might struggle and just "get by", but I would survive it. We would survive it as a family.
And thank you Lord, it seems we have.
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