sweet sleeping child

Saturday, January 30, 2010

just now I went in to peek on my little Bug. i realized i forgot to change him into pjs after he ate last and he is still in his overalls and onesie. ah well, he still looked cozy. he has figured out how to get his blankie just right, with at least one little foot, if not both poking out for some fresh air. he has one little hand on top of the soft blanket and the other resting on the cool of the sheet. i love how peaceful he looks while he sleeps. when i go in to check on him i have that moment where i just want to pick him up and take him to bed with me and snuggle him all night long. i have actually done it a few times, well, attempted it. he always ends up waking up, looking around confused and looking at me like "what is this all about? where is my bed? i want to sleep mama". despite my best efforts to lull him back to sleepyland in my arms, he will not sucumb until he is back in his own space.

thats one of the downsides, (one of the only ones actually, in my book) to helping your baby learn to sleep on his own. once he gets in his groove of being in a sleepytime routine and his own little comfort zone to get himself to sleep, it can be impossible to back track and get him to fall asleep say, laying on my chest on the couch or laying in bed with me.

i look back at those first 10, 11 weeks and how i was just longing for him to have some consistent sleep in his bed and not on me or with me 24/7. those weeks went by so fast, those nights of cosleeping with him on the couch or the guest bed and nursing him back to la la land. The days of him passing out in my arms after another 90 minute nursing session. the mornings spent laying with him snuggled up side to side and face to face as he fell asleep after a good drink of mama milk. i miss those days to an extent. i love where we are at now, especially the fact that i know he is growing and thriving and getting enough to eat and that naps and bedtime are a peaceful transition for all involved with no stress or anxiety about getting him to fall asleep. but i miss the sleeping in my arms and the newborn sleepy snuggles.

he is now a very alert and curious almost 5 month old and although he loves to be held and our feeding times are great chances for snuggles and bonding, it isnt the same as the first weeks of newborn sweetness. i find myself so glad that i get to do that again, soon. i plan to hold this little one longer, and be in no rush to put her down to sleep on her own. she will get there, we will get there together and it will be good. but i look forward to savoring again every moment of holding and snuggling my sleepy baby. like i have heard it said before, i am not going to look back on my babies newness and wish i held them less. they are only so tiny and needy for so long and then before you know it they are rolling and sitting and crawling and walking and it's all you can do to get them to hold still for a hug.