so here it is

Thursday, January 28, 2010

sometimes I can't even believe it myself, but we are expecting our fourth baby. This summer. Like before our third baby turns one. Aye yi yi.
Its a good thing, do not misunderstand. It is a much desired baby, I just have my moments where I freak out a little.
Can I do this?
Really?

i think the hardest part is that honestly for the past year I havent felt like myself. Since this time last year I have either been pregnant, newly post partum, breastfeeding or hey pregnant again. Some women have great pregnancies. Their bodies adjust well to the shifting hormones and being pregnant is a fun experience with the expected aches and pains and few trips to lose their lunch in the bathroom. I, on the other hand, end up feeling like an alien has taken over my body. Seriously.

my emotions and feeling are so out of whack almost the entire time. i am worn out pretty much constantly and am usually so sick I barely gain any actual weight the entire pregnancy. Basically I just dont feel like "Melissa". Pregnant Melissa is not who I enjoy at ALL being. I feel miserable a large percentage of the time. From being so sick it depletes any energy I do have, and makes me feel incapable of caring for those I love and enjoying them the way I want to.

All that being said I am so aware that I am so blessed to not have trouble getting pregnant. I was raised in home that struggled with infertility and miscarraige for 9 years and I honestly feared that would be my fate too.

I am so excited to meet and see this new little one this summer, and am even more excited to be done with my final pregancy journey. Its a hard road. But those little ones are more than worth it.