flashbacks

Friday, August 08, 2008

here is an excerpt of a blog I posted on March 23rd of this year on my myspace. I just re-read it for the first time since I posted it and well... it seemed fitting to post it now.

"I just have to get it out, that God is amazing. He daily blows my mind with His ability to transform and shape our lives and our hearts when we give ourselves over to His leading. Surrendering the control as it were. I am a wee bit of a control freak in some areas of my life and I am very independent. I know how I like things and please do not try to change my mind. I see things very black and white with very little grey. This can be good, but also a huge hindrance in my own walk with Christ. So many things have happened in my life over the past 10 years. If someone would have told me 10 years ago, when I was blissfully ignorant of all that was to be in store for me, that I would be working full time, raising two kids by myself, rarely seeing my friends and essentially feel like a completely different person than I was at that moment... I would have laughed in their face.

I was never going to get divorced.
I was going to be a stay at home mom.
I would always maintain my friendships.
I would still be me, only more mature and happier.

Ha ha ha ha... things did not work out how I expected and planned they would in my minds eye. My black and white view of how my life should go.

This isnt a pity party blog. In actuality, I am very much past that stage of feeling sorry for myself and blaming my life on someone else’s sin. The facts are:
It happened.
It was awful at the time.
I hurt more than I ever thought possible.
I survived.
I’m still here.
I’m stronger.
I’m wiser.
I’m more dependent (on Christ).
I learned what forgiveness is really all about.
I know what grace is here in the real world.
I grew up.
I believe that with God all things are possible-- its not just a catch phrase, I am coming to a realization of that truth day by day.
I embraced surrender by simply saying "Lord, I am willing". For a control freak like me who doesnt like to embrace the unknown, that is a major thing.

So many bad things happened. But so much good has come out of it as well.
I know who my real friends are. I know that my family is 100% behind me no matter which direction the Lord leads me in my life. I know the simple truth that Jesus Christ is not only my Savior, He is my All in All.

I know how amazing it feels to make the choice to forgive someone who wronged you, and to have God bless your obedience by taking away the anger and bitterness and replacing it with hope and freedom.

I am learning to not put God in a box. He can do exceedingly abundantly more than I could ever ask or think of. He heals the brokenhearted and sets the captives free. He does the impossible to show us Who really is in control. "